Don’t really know why I’m posting about something like this, but hopefully it won’t be too awkward. Okay, it’s already awkward. Whatever. Back in the day, my parents were sticklers about dating.
“Roy, do you have a girlfriend?”
“Good, you’re still in high school. You don’t need to be dating now, just focus on your school and you’ll find someone nice later.”
“But Mooom, there’s actually this really pretty girl…” (Just kidding. I would never say it like that.)
“No! Trust me, when you’re my age, you’ll understand that I’m right.”
Anyways, I could keep going on with what that fairly typical conversation used to be like, but it was basically just my parents telling me that I shouldn’t be dating. It even got to the point where my mom tried to say it to me sternly in English for dramatic effect. Except that when it came out, she ended up saying, “No dating until you’re married!” Haha, what does that even mean??
I guess it’s about that time that different conversations start happening though. When I went home last winter break and this summer break, my parents started out the conversations the same way, but they took a completely different turn.
“Roy, do you have a girlfriend?”
“You know it’s okay for you to get one now, right? We won’t be mad.”
And having that conversation just makes me sigh. For one, because it tells me that I’ve started to reach the point where my parents (and apparently all my extended family) will start worrying about me. But for another more important reason, it makes me sigh because of what God’s done in me. You see, I’m definitely an approval junkie. Thinking about relationships don’t really help with that. But God’s been real good about convicting me and reminding me over and over that it’s about Him and not anyone else. He’s been real good about showing me personally that He’s the only one who can really bring me complete joy. That my heart just naturally keeps getting distracted and longs for a wife tells me that maybe I haven’t been ready for something like that anyways. But…you know…who can be completely ready for a relationship anyways? I shouldn’t have to worry about that! Yeah!
Nah, I could tell myself that, but there’s also the other thing that God’s been real good of convicting me about, which is my future calling. God’s brought me to a place where I feel like I know what He’s calling me to, and that I’m just anticipating finding out how or where or when. But the fact of the matter is, I’ve heard that call. And with it being about time for me to move on past college to the next step of what God brings, it forces me to admit that there can’t really be anything that happens. It just wouldn’t be smart.
In the end though, I realize that the most important reason why I sigh is because of my own character. Most guys I know talk of being able to find that godly woman to run with them towards Christ and to serve together and build one another up and all that awesome stuff. And it’s not that there aren’t any women like that out there, props to the ladies, but it’s that I don’t deserve someone like that. I am a sinful person. A prideful person. A hot-tempered person. A lazy person. And much else haha. But the point is that with all that I am, and all that I am lacking, there’s no way I could win over on my own such a godly woman as the rest of us guys dream about. That’s why it just has to be about that time that God’s set aside. It can only be with His permission that I could find something like that. After all, He’s the one who has brought such immense changes in my life since He’s revealed Himself to me. By His grace alone, I’ve become a completely different person from just 4 years ago when I accepted Christ. And I trust that He is still continuously changing me and molding me, bringing me to that point of completion. And it has to be this way, because I am weak and helpless without Him. That’s why it’ll have to be about His time, and not my own. Although, it would be nice if His time could be just a little bit more like my time.